A shell to be broken

My friend Lisa who lives in Aomori has said that putting yourself in a place outside of your comfort zone helps you see yourself more clearly. I have found this to be true, especially in the past few days. I’m not sure why exactly I have been thinking about this recently, but for some reason certain things about myself have been screaming to be recognized.

One of those things is that I am an introvert. I have never considered myself to be an extreme introvert, by I have always known that about myself. But I had never given much thought to what that means about my daily life. Now I seem to notice how much I hesitate to initiate conversations, how exhausted I feel sometimes after teaching, and how important being alone in my shell is to my mental health.

One of my teachers told me that without conversation, I cannot digest my lunch well. While I didn’t say this to him, I was certainly feeling as though he didn’t know me at all. I like talking to people, but it can be draining for me. It doesn`t give me energy, it takes it away, unless I am talking to people I know quite well. And not having a quiet lunch has never even crossed my mind. In a work room with no privacy and up to 40 chatty, energetic students to deal with in one classroom, I find ways to make solace without even thinking about it. Eating lunch alone and quietly is one of those ways.

There are days when I need my shell more than others, days when I feel overwhelmed with not ever knowing exactly what’s going on in my workplace or frustrated by the way things are done in Japanese school systems. But today was not one of the days. I taught a class that went very well, with students paying attention and having fun – and only 12 of them to top it off. Later I was asking my supervisor about the name of my favorite yakiniku restaurant, and ended up spending nearly an hour discussing the best yakiniku restaurants in Aomori City with the Vice Principal and some other coworkers. In the end, the Vice Principal is letting my supervisor and I go out to eat together next week (very unusual in Japan) at his favorite yakiniku restaurant. And that’s not all – he donated 1000 yen ($10) to our outing!

The point of this story is that I realized today that going into my shell of solitude is good and necessary at times, but it can also be an easy way out of taking risks. And without taking risks, I miss out on the things that make life fun and bearable, things like laughter and simple social exchange. Breaking out my shell has rarely, if ever, ended badly for me in Japan. I forget that most people, even if they seem preoccupied, welcome conversation and all of my coworkers are extremely nice. So why not? It can be scary, and many conversations are difficult because of the language barrier, of course. But there really is no reason to shy away from initiating interaction. I hope that understanding who I am more deeply can help me enjoy my time in Japan more fully.

~Melissa